But they never did. Wednesday evening was very, very, hard. I kept rocketting back and forth between trying to be confident and then not wanting to set myself up for disappointment if they said no, like all the others.
Thursday I woke up and they still hadn't called. I continued getting worried.
Then the phone chirped. It was them. "How would you like to work here next year?"
I swallowed. "I'd love to." (It occurred to me that I sounded as if someone was asking me out on a date.)
Pause. "Well, we'd love that, too." (Ooh, someone is just as awkward as I am on the phone!")
"We'll call accounting and start the ball rolling."
And it was done.
I will be able to do my 2-year-program. I will be able to earn a decent wage while doing it. I will get oodles of experience in several different grades. I will get a teaching credential. I will be able to work this summer (go working with Kindergarteners!). And, in not too long a while, I will be able to move out and leave my parents to their newly-vacated house.
It will be a challenge, I'm sure of that. But I'm looking forward to a new challenge anyway.
* * *
This has been a very hard year. A lot of time I've felt like I was stuck on a treadmill, running in place. Sometimes it seemed like I wasn't moving at all and other times that there was no point in keeping up since I was barely getting anywhere anyway (see, I've thought about this metaphor). It was very hard to make myself keep going, and sometimes, I couldn't. But now I finally feel like I've got ground under my feet again. And it feels very, very good.